I recently overheard a conversation between two women. One of the lovely ladies was on a diet. She was working very hard starving and depriving herself in an effort to lose thirty pounds. Her friend asked her how she planned to reward herself once she achieved her goal. "I plan to go out to my favorite restaurant every night for an entire month and order every single dish I love on the menu; including dessert," she said.
WHAT?!
I am not, by nature, an eavesdropper or an extremely nervy person, but this really bothered me. I walked right over to the woman, handed her my business card, and said," If you really want to lose those thirty pounds and keep them off; give me a call." I briefly explained my approach to weight loss and how I might be able to help her. She politely declined my offer. She was miserable with her current diet of choice, but she was rapidly losing weight, and that was all that really mattered to her. At that point she attempted to return my card. "Keep it," I said. "For when you gain all your weight back."
Was I harsh? Yes. I think she mumbled a few choice words in my direction as I walked away. I can pretty much guarantee she is going to gain all her weight back and then some. Quickly. How do I know this?
Food is her reward. Everything she is depriving herself of right now is what she plans to overindulge in once she reaches her ultimate goal. Can you see how wrong this is or is it just me?
Food is not and never should be a reward for good behavior. We all do this. It's a habit and very bad one. We are conditioned to be this way from childhood. As babies, we were given a bottle when we cried; even when our mothers knew we were not necessarily hungry. We quickly learned that the reward for crying was a nice warm bottle of milk. We were given cookies or candy when we were well-behaved. When I was growing up, the reward for a good report card was an ice cream sundae. A good friend of mine gave her son huge handfuls of M&M's each time he used the potty instead of going in his diaper. Another friend has two young twins. They are a handful and when they are good and stay out of her hair for awhile, she rewards them with a sweet treat or soda. Soda! I shudder when I see this. I know she needs a few moments of peace and quiet and wants them to behave, but she is setting them up for future failure. They will grow up believing food is the right reward for good behavior. What's the first thing we do when we accomplish something grand like a promotion at work or some other achievement? We reward ourselves by going out for a nice, big, fattening dinner complete with drinks and dessert.
It's no wonder we have such battles with our weight!
I am not saying celebratory dinners are necessarily wrong. I love going out to dinner. For any occasion. There is nothing wrong with cookies, candy or ice cream, either. You should definitely enjoy these things when you want them, but don't use them as rewards.
That's the key. If you want an ice cream sundae; by all means have one. Even if you need to lose a few pounds. Stop thinking of it as bad or forbidden. Go for it! But never, ever use an ice cream sundae as a reward for a job well done.
Does any of this make sense to you? Do you see any of these patterns in yourself?
How can you break these patterns?
1. First, you need to change your attitudes regarding food. Food is essential. You cannot survive or thrive without it. Food is really nothing but more than fuel to keep your body functioning. When you begin to think of food in this way; you will automatically start making wiser, more nourishing meal choices.
2. There are no forbidden foods. Starving or depriving yourself of certain foods you enjoy is the sure-fire way to completely sabotage any of your weight loss efforts. Give yourself permission to have treats. Every day, if you want them. It's okay. Your goal should be to change your lifestyle; not to miraculously drop thirty pounds in a month or two. That's unrealistic. It cannot accomplished without really making yourself miserable. Not to mention; it's extremely unhealthy. I will let you in on a little secret: The more often you give yourself permission; the less you often you will want it. We always want what we can't have. That's just human nature.
A little side-bar here for those who believe they are addicted to certain foods like chocolate or carbohydrates. You cannot stop eating these things once you start; so you choose to completely eliminate them from your diet. I might not completely agree, but I do understand. You know your body and what you can and cannot handle. The cravings for these foods do not go away. They haunt you. The only way to stop this is to find substitutes for those offending foods. Think of how feel when you eat a piece of chocolate. Happy. Satisfied. Loved. Is there something else you can do to achieve those same feelings?
3. If you are trapped in the cycle of using food as a reward; you need to come with other ways of making yourself feel good. You are naturally driven by incentives. If you do this; you'll get that. This is something you cannot change, but you can change what drives you. Start thinking of non-food related things that make you feel good and start doing them.
Some suggestions:
Get a manicure or a pedicure. Both if your budget allows.
Treat yourself to a long, relaxing bath.
Splurge on a massage. Or give someone a massage. You will benefit. Trust me.
Treat yourself to a new pair of shoes, a new dress, a new suit, a video game, or something else you really want.
Get a makeover or try a different shade of lipstick.
Take a walk, a trip, go sit on the beach.
Spend time gardening and enjoy the rewards of your hard work.
Sit back, close your eyes, and listen to music.
Slip into bed early with a good book.
Give yourself permission to sleep in late on Saturday or Sunday.
Slowly sip a cup of tea.
Have off the hook sex with your partner.
Kiss somebody.
Go out dancing
Join a gym, take a class, learn a new language.
Play games with your kids.
Draw, paint, sketch, take photos.
Invest an extra hour or more in any of your favorite hobbies or activities.
Anything other than food that brings you pleasure- DO IT!
This takes practice, but I assure you that eventually, you will break the cycle. You will feel better. Satisfied. Happy. You will begin to look better. End result: you will lose weight! And keep it off. For good.
